Wales never plays itself

Nick Stradling, Wales in the Movies

Wales or Cymru? I was at first sceptical, but I’m coming around to it. Here’s why.

I’ve recently been editing a video essay called ‘Wales Never Plays Itself’ and it’s got me thinking about what kind of gesture would be necessary to break Wales’ cycle of invisibility across the world.

Due to a popular but clumsily-worded petition and an excellent piece in these pages by Stephen Price,  what we call ourselves and how we are represented is a topical talking point in these two, too-insular peninsulas. It’s also time we have a look at how Wales has represented itself in film and TV down the years. 

And when I say Wales, or Cymru, I’m being literal. The land, the sea. The place itself. How has Cymru been shown off in the world’s most popular entertainment forms?

I was once asked by an Australian police officer (who looked inside my passport) If I was English, Scottish or Irish. When questioned why he included Ireland but not Wales, his response was to inform me that, like Scotland, both of those two were countries. He then asked me – as if to clinch his point – if I’d seen Braveheart. I was too young and angry to consider pointing out the name of the Australian state paying his wages was New South Wales.

The thing is, if this copper was a movie fan (a fair guess going by the reference) then he would have seen our country on screen at some point. The problem was that Wales had always been disguised as somewhere else.

From Russia With Love

He would have seen Merthyr Mawr playing the Arabian Peninsula in Lawrence of Arabia, Eryri as Yugoslavia in From Russia With Love or Port Talbot Steelworks as Pennsylvania in A Kiss Before Dying. Maybe he’d just watched Angelina Jolie riding a motorcycle over the Great Wall of China (Pen Y Pass) or Pierce Brosnan flying a Helicopter over the Cym Dyli pipeline, masquerading as Azerbaijan?

Did this man like the Arthurian myth and watch Richard Gere and Sean Connery battling it out in First Knight? That was Trawsfynydd. Maybe he was more of a TV man and caught Sam Neil explaining the Dinas Emrys dragon legend to Rutger Hauer in the mini series Merlin? Wales was doubling as England in that series.

The only chance he would have had to see Wales playing itself came in 1995. But when we briefly had our hands on the purse strings of Hollywood, we went and called the film The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain! This was the first major studio film set in Wales in 50 years. I’ll go out on a limb here and suggest that maybe, it would have been a healthier decision to put Wales in the film’s title. 

The idea of “abolishing” the word Wales has problems. Particularly post-woke (Gammon Wales, Snowflake Cymru – choose!) where we all seem desperate to reduce one’s identity down to singular opinions. But what a strange and eerily symbolic habit we have on screen? I always thought that language pedantry was not a way to break this cycle but, as Bannau Brecheiniog’s huge win in The New York Times shows, maybe I was wrong.

In the classic Doctor Who adventure The Five Doctors back in the 80s, the quarries and hills of Gwynedd doubled as ‘The Death Zone’. Ha! Considering this cycle of representational death we seem trapped in, I can maybe get behind an idea to give up the name Wales, and substitute Cymru. Maybe we should be ready to upset a few people.

Confused

If the world is still confused about whether Wales is a principality, country, colony or county, maybe we should force the world to ask the question; What is Cymru? 

Because it seems that Wales is never playing itself but always pretending to be somewhere else. Even if that somewhere, is nowhere. Did you spot Llanberis as nowhere in Willow? Trefil as nowhere in The HitchHikers’ Guide To The Galaxy? Bannau Brecheiniog as Jurassic Park?

Maybe our friend the Aussie policeman is still watching Wales, as nowhere, in Sex Education? With all roadsigns and accents hidden. Or maybe he’s seen us since as exotic Earth places like Switzerland (Captain America), Korea (Die Another Day), Congo? (Tarzan) If not, we’re good at playing our closest neighbours too. Wales was Scotland in Highlander and Half Light. England in Made in Dagenham, Their Finest, Harry Potter and countless others. 

Tom Cruise, selecting Dougarry Scott for a role in Mission Impossible 2 in the late 90s, praised his work on “the Scottish film Twin Town”. Like our friend the policeman, he’s unable to identify Wales as a national entity. And, can we REALLY blame them?

In the film Mortal Kombat, Parys Mountain is credited as “Wales, England” – on the end titles. The same happened for Clash of the Titans a few years later. When Scottish mountains, characters or credits are on screen it’s unambiguous; this is Scotland and they’re Scottish. 

Some say this is not important. So, let’s imagine for a moment, that Wales was a person. What’s the end result of their obfuscation and silence? They wouldn’t get far in life, would they? They’d be riddled with fear, hesitancy and doubt. A stooped posture and no eye contact. They wouldn’t get opportunities. They’d be exploited and cast aside, giving their pocket money and homework to the bullies. All the while concealing a black belt and a fortune under their coat. 

Local economies

It’s important to say that Welsh locations being used to portray other places is not such a bad thing. I’m sure it’s good for local economies and the portfolios of executives at Wales Screen – an agency whose specific role is to suggest Welsh locations to double as other places.

But it’s time this existed together with national agencies whose drive and ambition is to see Cymru as setting for stories the world will see. Look at the profile and reach of the franchises mentioned above, now imagine 15% of these projects put their money and creativity – just for once – into Welsh stories. If Avengers Infinity War can have scenes in Scotland, why not Wales? Why can’t the next ‘Hogwarts’ be here? The next ‘Highlander’?

This idea, with more detailed examples, explored on WALES in the MOVIES here – where our goal is to help bring about an environment where we can rid ourselves of this cycle once and for all. If you’re feeling the message, consider sharing the video or subscribing. If you feel you want to help, please say shwmae on Patreon.

Whether you call it Wales or Cymru, it’s time to make the most out of our resources and potential. It’s time to ruffle a few feathers and upset a few people. It’s time for the place to finally be itself.