Neighbours from Hell? Cuckooing; a Cautionary Tale

Kate Green

Recently, a popular elderly man – let’s call him Mr Jones – passed away.

Having noticed he was no longer home, neighbours and friends asked social services about his health and whereabouts but weren’t told till after his funeral.

Mr Jones was (in our amateur opinion) a victim of cuckooing. Not heard of cuckooing? Neither had I. Googling it makes for grim reading.

Cuckooing is a practise where people, usually criminals, take over a person’s home and use the property to facilitate exploitation.

Mr Jones was a vulnerable elderly person, who like his late wife, had dementia. The ‘cuckoos’ (a couple) were known for hostility.

One had been banned from the Health Centre for being abusive to staff. The police had taken the other to court for harassing Mr Jones’s closest neighbour.

Aggressive acts

The pair conducted multiple other aggressive acts largely attempting to prevent people using the road between Mr Jones’ house and the house in which they were unofficially residing.

Some of the aggression was dangerous; attempting to drive cyclists (including a child) and pedestrians off the road. But most incidents were without secondary witnesses and unreported.

Nevertheless, having seen first-hand their rough treatment of people and animals, multiple emails expressing concern for Mr Jones’s wellbeing and safety were sent to Social Services and some to the police.

To no avail. The cuckoos spent increasing amounts of time at Mr Jones’s house alongside the carers.

Then they replaced the carers. How could this happen?

Because Mr Jones, a passive and sociable man, said he was happy to be visited by them. The ‘cuckoos’ are extremely manipulative and can play at being charming.

Mr Jones’ free will had to be respected. As time went on, it often felt that we friends and neighbours were the pests; most emails to the authorities went unanswered, even one offering audio proof of being aggressively repelled at Mr Jones’ door.

For three years till his death, the cuckoos successfully intimidated Mr Jones’ friends and neighbours from visiting. We can guess (greed) but don’t know for sure what their aims were.

Given evidence elsewhere, we suggest their motivation was definitely not kindness, resulting in an appalling and unethical situation for everyone, especially (and potentially dangerously), for Mr Jones.

This is not a blame game. It is a tragic tale. Public services are stretched to breaking.

Nevertheless there are things we can and should change as a nation, and things we neighbours would have done differently with hindsight.

We can learn from mistakes. Here’s our advice.

Social services

While a vulnerable person’s free will must be respected, there are circumstances (like dementia) when social services should aid decision-making.

Mr Jones definitely did not have the capacity to understand that welcoming the cuckoos would result in him being exploited, manipulated, and isolated from his friends.

Agencies need to work together better. In this case it seems to us that the police deferred to social services too readily.

ASPD

In the early stages of the bullies’ hostilities I spent months trying to befriend, negotiate and appease them. It resulted in mental exhaustion and wasted time.

If I’d read about Antisocial Personality Disorder sooner (the official catch-all terminology for narcissism, sociopathy and psychopathy) I’d have understood that reasoning doesn’t work with people who have ASPD. Legal boundaries, authorities and court action sometimes does.

(Of course we don’t know they have ASPD but it seems highly likely).

A psychologist friend tells me the term ASPD is a diagnostic tool that shouldn’t be used publicly. I believe we all need to be better informed, thus better equipped.

Although the term cuckooing often came up in conversation, it was only when writing this that I researched it. I wish I had sooner.

Report, report report (you can sometimes do so anonymously)

We appealed to social services (with police knowledge) for ‘safe’ times to visit Mr Jones but were told it wasn’t possible.

The then social worker said we should report intimidation to the police. I didn’t then and regret it. (We’d followed police advice to avoid the bullies so claiming intimidation seemed futile).

The vast majority of hostilities weren’t reported to the police. People don’t like to.

At first I feared the cuckoos might sue me for slander, but soon learned they wouldn’t succeed; because I was motivated by concern for a vulnerable person.

Other reasons for not reporting crime include fear of violent retribution. Fear of revenge reporting, disrupting community, being a snitch. Hours of hassle.

Belief that nothing will be done anyway. All valid. But without reporting, the police can’t act. Thus empowering the criminals.

Although the emails sent to social services and police represented the fears of several, most (though not all) were written by one person.

I have been told by three police officers – two are friends in different forces – that they need to hear from more people.

In the words of one; ‘one person reports six incidents and nothing will be done. Six people report one incident and it will. That’s how it is.’

Early on, when the pair were particularly aggressive, a police officer encouraged me to report their apparent benefit fraud. I didn’t. I wanted to protect the vulnerable person.

I didn’t necessarily want to maliciously dob the cuckoos in. I hadn’t joined the dots. With hindsight it’s perhaps the single-most effective thing I could have done.

My other police-officer-friend explained that police action might result in a slapped wrist in a criminal court ‘but the tax man doesn’t back down.’ It seems benefit fraud resourced the cuckoos with time and money.

We couldn’t compete.

Use Compassion Wisely

The causes of Antisocial Personality Disorder are not fully understood but genetics and childhood trauma are believed to be factors.

Our cuckoos are victims too. They prepare shopping trips like going into battle. What childhood persecution caused their behaviour? I have compassion.

They need help. Neglecting to address the causes of ASPD is our collective failure and responsibility.

Meanwhile, too much compassion and inaction results in more victims.