Council denies advising pupils that sexual ‘choking’ can be acceptable

Martin Shipton

A council has vehemently denied that its domestic abuse service has been advising secondary school pupils that “choking” can be acceptable during sex.

More than 145,000 people have read on Elon Musk’s social media channel X, formerly known as Twitter, criticism of Bridgend County Borough Council’s Assia Domestic Abuse Service for allegedly distributing material in schools that states: “It’s never OK to start choking someone without asking them first.”

It is alleged that the material also states: “Consent should also happen every time sexual choking is an option, not just the first time”.

The allegations were posted by an X account called #MenatWork, which went on to comment: “Materials delivered by: Assia Domestic Abuse Service, Bridgend, South Wales. Overseen by @BridgendCBC.”

Women’s groups

#MenatWork sent the posts to Welsh Labour MPs Tonia Antoniazzi (Gower) and Alex Davies-Jones (Pontypridd), as well as to others including a number of women’s groups, stating: “Just wanted to put this on your radar.”

Before Assia was identified, Ms Antoniazzi responded with a post stating: “Name them.”

Ms Davies-Jones is the Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State for Victims in the UK Labour government, having previously served as Shadow Minister for Domestic Violence and Safeguarding in opposition.

A further post by #MenatWork states: “The reason I’ve tagged some of these orgs is that they have delivered excellent – and deeply concerning – presentations on the risks of ‘choking’ (porn term for strangulation), in Manchester and London in recent weeks which I’ve attended. Seems essential that they know that messages which are antithetical to the ones they’re working hard to promote i.e. that ‘choking’ / strangulation is never safe & is often a clear corollary of coercive control / domestic abuse – are being promoted by orgs which benefit from kudos-by-association & public goodwill.

“There will be more providers (many!) around the UK peddling the same dangerous propaganda and I will share any that people send me in due course – but if anyone else has concrete examples relating to ‘choking’ / strangulation please feel free to add. Contributions which focus on this specific issue will be more impactful, I would suggest. Facts and clarity will add to an un-derailable impetus for concrete action by those with clear roles to play. Thanks.”

Criticism 

The posts attracted a lot of criticism for Assia and Bridgend council, with one X user stating: “A domestic abuse service in Wales promoting strangulation to school kids! How many teenagers are being taught this in UK schools, and how the hell has this been allowed to happen?”

The Welsh Women’s Rights Network posted a message which said: “Dangerous and unforgivable. Bridgend parents – your daughters are being advised how to consent to choking during sex. How about empowering them to refuse instead? Or educating boys not to expect this? Shockingly, this is a @BridgendCBC domestic abuse organisation (Assia).”

A council spokesman said: “The suggestion that children are being taught to consent to damaging sexual behaviour is simply not true. All pastoral advice used by local schools is carefully designed to be age-appropriate, and to encourage teenagers who are maturing into young adults to develop healthy, respectful relationships where there is no abuse of any kind.

“Bridgend County Borough Council takes its safeguarding responsibilities very seriously, and anyone who approaches the Assia domestic abuse service regarding this issue will be informed that non-fatal strangulation remains an illegal, dangerous criminal act.”

Normalised

In September 2024 Dr Hannah Bows of Durham University’s Law School wrote an article that was published on the university’s website which stated: “The act of strangulation has become increasingly normalised and sexualised. [But] despite its increased popularity, research shows it isn’t necessarily wanted, especially by women.

“In a 2016 survey of Americans aged 18-60 years, 21.4% of women who had sex with men had been choked. And one in five men admitted to choking a partner (male or female) during sex.

“An Australian study from this year found that more than half of 18- to 35-year-olds reported they had been strangled during sex at least once. A similar proportion admitting to strangling a partner at least once. Though strangling is common among both men and women, evidence shows that women are more likely to be strangled and men more likely to do the strangling.

“People give various reasons for engaging in sexual strangling, including wanting to be kinky or adventurous, believing it would please their partner, and feelings of power and dominance. But campaigners point out that the often gendered nature of strangulation can feed into wider patterns of coercion and control of women by men.

“A survey for the BBC in 2019 found that in a study of 2,000 young women aged 18–39, 38% had experienced unwanted slapping, choking, gagging or spitting during otherwise consensual sex. And a similar proportion of men admit to choking or strangling a partner during sex without their consent.

“The act of strangulation has become increasingly normalised and sexualised. The Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, a worldwide bestseller, was widely criticised by feminist campaigners, academics and domestic abuse charities for eroticising strangulation and making it socially acceptable. A 2020 investigation by the Times found hundreds of images of sexualised choking and strangulation on Pinterest, Instagram and Tumblr. The images included pictures of young women being pinned down and strangled by men, women with gags over their mouths and children being gripped by the throat.

“Pornography has also played a role in eroticising strangulation, as part of a wider normalisation of violent sex. And research has found links between people seeing choking depicted in pornography and engaging in it themselves.

“The creep of strangulation into legitimate and normalised behaviour makes it more difficult for women to escape (and avoid) violent relationships. This normalisation leads many women to feel like they cannot speak up about nonconsensual choking.

“Regardless of consent, strangulation is associated with a range of health risks. These include loss of consciousness, loss of voice, difficulty in swallowing or breathing, bruising, redness, haemorrhages, headaches, depression, PTSD, suicidal thoughts and death (including delayed death occurring days or weeks after the strangulation).

“Strangulation has traditionally been viewed as a violent act and has long been recognised as assault in criminal law. A growing number of homicides of women by men involve claims that the death was an accident resulting from “rough sex” gone wrong. Strangulation or asphyxiation is a leading cause in many of these cases, and in some, reference has been made to the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy as the inspiration for engaging in what is alleged to have been consensual sexual choking.

“England and Wales have recently introduced a new offence of non-fatal strangulation as part of domestic abuse legislation, which police appear to be actively using. But the law alone isn’t enough to change the normalisation of this dangerous act.”