‘I feel like I’ve come out of a warzone’ – Victim of stalking shares story

“I’m hyper vigilant and constantly on edge. I feel like I’ve come out of a warzone.”

These are the words of a woman who was stalked for months on end by a former partner who followed her, insisted on night-long video calls, and even listened in on her through an Alexa.

When Megan met Dean in 2021 she was in a vulnerable place. Her previous long-term relationship had just broken down, and she was suddenly navigating life as a newly single mother.

Dean made all the right promises, making Megan believe he would be there for her and her children, and they quickly formed an intense relationship. Within months, she was pregnant, and in her words, “trapped”.

“I now know he targets vulnerable women,” she said. “He was very charming, he wanted to give me the world. Looking back, I can see he was love bombing me, it wasn’t real.”

Megan explained how Dean would ask her to stay on video calls all night, claiming he was worried about her and their unborn child. However, she later realised this was a mechanism for control.

Abuse

She ended the relationship shortly after the birth of their baby as a result of his drinking, drug-taking and cheating.

Despite this, she made efforts to co-parent, and actively encouraged him to spend time with their baby.

This is where she says his mental abuse began.

“I was so tired,” she said. “I was up most of the night feeding her, I was looking after my other children, it was exhausting.

“He would have the baby for an hour at a time. He would pick her up in the morning, take her on the school run and then drop her back off with me. At the school gate he looked like this hero dad who had the baby while I was sleeping.

“He would tell me he was always looking after her, when in reality he fed and bathed her once in three months – he made me feel as if I was going crazy.

“But I had to try. If I called him out, the tears would start and he would threaten to kill himself. He knew that would make me stop.”

His controlling behaviour escalated, and soon Dean was using any means possible to make his presence known in Megan’s life.

Location

He would listen in on her home through her Alexa, make multiple video calls a day so he could see where she was and who she was with, and send music to her TV via YouTube at all times of the day and night.

He walked past her house several times a day, and on the one occasion she went out without her phone, he followed her in a car to check on her location.

“One night he said he couldn’t get hold of me,” she said. “He was ringing and ringing and ringing, so eventually I said I’d fallen asleep. He threatened to take the baby from me, so I called the police.

“When they arrived, I could see him walking up the street towards my house. He was phoning me, and claimed he was worried because I wasn’t answering his calls – again, he was saying the right things to look like a good dad.

“He was arrested, but I didn’t want to press charges at that point. I wanted it to be a warning, that I wasn’t going to stand for his behaviour.”

Changed

The next time the pair had arranged for Dean to see the baby, something happened that would change Megan’s life forever.

Dean assaulted Megan by intentional strangulation, and was arrested immediately.

Despite being imposed with bail conditions not to contact Megan, he continued to stalk her.

She made 57 calls to Dyfed-Powys Police within a year, reporting every incident, regardless of how small they appeared to be. She was put in contact with the force’s domestic abuse and stalking perpetrator schemes coordinator for her case to be assessed.

“He walked past my house several times a day, he was phoning my sibling, and I was getting calls from a private number,” Megan said. “He would stare into my house, and he would follow me into shops.

“I reported it all, but he was very clever about it. Before he walked past my house he would cough. I couldn’t report him to the police for coughing, but he was making it clear to me that he was there. When he followed me into the shop, he would stare at me and then leave. He would only be in the shop long enough for me to see him, so I couldn’t say he had done anything wrong. These aren’t crimes on their own, but all together it was textbook stalking behaviour.

“I was in constant fear of where he might turn up next. I was asked if I was fearful for my life, and yes, I was. He was taking drugs, he had strangled me, he couldn’t see his child, he could have done anything.”

Cameras

Megan fitted cameras to her home, changed her wifi passwords, had extra smoke alarms fitted, and a fire box put on her letterbox. She installed a camera doorbell and added chains to her door.

Within three days of the stalking coordinator assessing the case, Dean had been arrested again. He was charged with intentional strangulation and assault by beating, however officers were told there was not sufficient evidence to meet the threshold for stalking.

Unfortunately, the CPS dropped the charges against Dean before a trial could take place.

“I was asked if I wanted to move to a women’s refuge, but I turned the offer down,” she said. “This is my children’s home, I’ve made it comfortable for them, and didn’t want to disrupt their lives by moving. I had to make the decision to leave our home or take what felt like a risk in staying.

“I didn’t sleep. I stayed awake in case he turned up – I needed to be constantly ready to react. I was so exhausted.

“Even now, I’m hyper vigilant and constantly on edge. I feel like I’ve come out of a warzone.”

When criminal proceedings were dropped, Megan was granted a non-molestation order against Dean.

This prohibits him from using or threatening physical violence, intimidating, harassing, pestering, or communicating with her. It is one of a number of legal orders that can be put in place to protect victims of domestic abuse, stalking and harassment (find out more here: Protective orders | Dyfed-Powys Police).

Despite criminal proceedings not being completed, Megan feels she was supported by police during her ordeal, and praises some of the initiatives being used to tackle domestic abuse, stalking and harassment.

‘Passionate’

In particular she benefitted from using the new Domestic Abuse Video Response Unit, which resulted in quicker response times when she made reports.

While she still lives with the effects of Dean’s behaviour, Megan hopes that in sharing her experience she can encourage others to reach out for help.

“My advice for anyone going through anything similar would be to keep reporting incidents to the police,” she said. “Don’t wait until things have escalated to reach out – no matter how small it might seem, every phone call is a part of a picture. Without the history, the perpetrator will just say they haven’t done anything wrong.

“I’m passionate about this. I want to use what I’ve been through to make a change for my children and for theirs.”

To find out more about the signs of stalking behaviour, where to turn for support and how to report to the police, click here.