Making festive celebrations easier for people who struggle with food and eating

James Downs, Mental Health Campaigner

The festive season is here again, with its sparkle, laughter, and seemingly endless eating. For many, it’s “the most wonderful time of the year,” but for those of us who have experienced a difficult relationship with food, it can be anything but.

In my own case, I remember many Christmases spent fighting anorexia, where the anticipation of facing a sit-down lunch filled me with fear.

Even after restoring my weight, I continued to struggle with bulimia, and found myself caught in a cycle of binge eating and purging that was much harder to navigate at Christmas.

I am not alone with these challenges. Eating disorder charity, BEAT, estimates that over 1.25 million people in the UK are affected, and cases are rising rapidly. Contrary to popular stereotypes, fewer than 10% of people with eating disorders are underweight, and cases are rising most rapidly amongst men and ethnic minorities.

Most people will think of anorexia and bulimia, but binge eating disorder is the most common diagnosis, and other disorders such as avoidant restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID) are equally serious.

BEAT has a range of helpful information and resources to learn more about these increasingly widespread difficulties.

The truth is, we all know someone with an eating disorder, even if they haven’t shared it with us. They could be sitting at your table over the holidays this year.

What you can do to help

Supporting someone with an eating disorder over the festive period doesn’t mean you need to fix their problems or walk on eggshells. You don’t need specialist knowledge, either. Often, small, thoughtful actions can make a big difference. Here are some meaningful ways you can help:

1. Be mindful of language:

Many of us can relate to the awkwardness of meeting friends and family we haven’t seen in a long time, only to be greeted with comments about weight or appearance – whether it’s “you’ve lost weight; you look great!” or “she’s put on a bit!” These remarks might be made casually, but can be deeply distressing for someone with an eating disorder. Focus on non-appearance-based compliments instead, like appreciating someone’s kindness, humour, or creativity.

2. Avoid judgements:

The collective “binge-purge” mentality that defines the season, where December’s excess gives way to January’s dieting and gym resolutions, can mirror the very cycles those with eating disorders are trying to escape. Avoiding moralising around food – such as associating indulgence with being “naughty” or framing restraint and the New Year diet as virtuous – can help reduce shame.

3. Shift the focus:

Provide ways to take part in the social aspects of the holiday that don’t exclude people with eating difficulties. Encourage activities that promote connection, such as sharing stories, playing games, or watching movies together. By making the celebration about spending time with loved ones rather than what’s on the table, you create a more relaxed and inclusive atmosphere for everyone.

3. Respect boundaries:

If someone doesn’t want to take part in certain food-related traditions, or needs to do something other than what’s expected to look after themselves, respect their decision without questioning or pressuring them. None of us can be “on” and cheerful all the time, so normalising having some alone time and breaks from social interactions can help everyone.

4. Offer practical support:

Ask how you can help. Conversations about what the challenges might be and the support someone might need are best had in advance and in calmer conditions – rather than around food and eating. If they haven’t already, gently suggest reaching out for support. Remind people that there’s no shame in asking for help, and offering practical help to go to the GP, for example, can mean a lot.

5. Be patient and understanding:

Recovery is complex and can take time. Despite pressure for the perfect holidays, the festive period can amplify struggles and be the hardest time for someone to be merry and bright. Acknowledge this, and offer your support without rushing someone to get better.

Remember what matters

For many of us, this time of year is about connection, love, and creating memories with the people who matter most. By approaching the season with kindness, understanding, and compassion, we can make it a little easier for those struggling with eating disorders to feel included and supported. Ultimately, these steps might help take the pressure and stress off everyone – a gift we can all benefit from in our frantic and demanding world.

Support and Resources

If you or someone you know needs help, the following organisations offer support:

• Beat Eating Disorders (UK): Call their helpline at 0808 801 0677 or visit beateatingdisorders.org.uk.
• Samaritans: For emotional support, call 116 123 or visit samaritans.org.
• ARFID Awareness UK: Visit arfidawarenessuk.org for more information.
• National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA): For international support, visit nationaleatingdisorders.org.

James Downs is a mental health campaigner, researcher, psychological therapist and expert by experience in eating disorders. He lives in Cardiff and can be contacted at @jamesldowns on X and Instagram, or via his website: jamesdowns.co.uk