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Opinion

‘He who speaketh against Sir Keir speaketh for the Tories’

19 Feb 2023 5 minute read
Labour Party leader Sir Keir Starmer, image by Stefan Rousseau, PA Images

Ben Wildsmith

You may not, I learned this week, criticise Keir Starmer. Whilst deriding the crass machinations of the obvious charlatan and wrong ‘un might seem a perfectly natural class of a thing to do, you absolutely mustn’t.

Sir Keir, not Keith, your name vill also go in zee book, has been anointed to deliver us from evil. The only way unto Heaven is through Him, so stop taking the piss.

As Dusty Springfield had it, the only boy who could ever teach me was the son-of-a-toolmaker. Yes he WAS!

He who speaketh against Sir Keir speaketh for the Tories. Now, I know some of you imagine that there are paradigms other than an exclusive, binary choice between loving Sir Keir or sacrificing your first-born child to Grant Shapps, but that is just Satan tricking you.

So, now that Jeremy Corbyn has been cast into the desert and Nicola Sturgeon is off to spend more time with her MI5 pension, let’s examine the case for Sir Keir, as insisted upon by centrist dads who know what’s good for us.

The first law of Keirism holds that not being Jeremy Corbyn > than being anything else. Essentially, Keirites hold that if Sir Keir were to knock on the door of hard working, formerly Labour family in the north of England with a bag of chicken kormas and beer, the conversation would go thusly:

‘Eh oop, is tha the rabidly Remain Brexit spokesman for t’ Labour party?’

‘Hi, I’m Sir Keir. I recognise the validity of your vote on Brexit and am styling the Union Flag as a cape.’

‘Aye, well that’s as mebbe, but what about t’antisemitic Trotskyite entryists in thy midst? We’ll not vote for owt communist in this house!’

‘May I present my credentials?’

At this, Sir Keir hands his hobnailed interlocutor a card that reads, I am not Jeremy Corbyn.

‘Well why didn’t you say, yer daft bugger? Come on in! Can I stop being Northern now?’

‘Yes, you’ve fulfilled your role in my focus group..’

‘Jolly good, and well done establishing Labour’s credibility with hedge fund managers. My husband Arkwright was becoming quite nervous about our off-piste investments. Shall I fetch the lime pickle?’

Performative left

This only works thanks to the second law of Keirism which holds that the electorate is as thick as Piers Morgan’s wrists.

Here is what the QI-watching classes believe is going to usher in a new age of decency:

1) Brexit voters now realise their mistake but are a stubborn bunch who must not be antagonised. So, in order to negotiate as near a reversal of Brexit as possible without admitting it, Sir Keir must appear at all times as if he is off to the last night of the Proms. It’s common knowledge that Brexit-voters can be mesmerised with flags so keep adding more and more flags and hope that their visual appeal will make up for the red meat racism that the Tories will be offering.

2) Only offer a change of personnel. The electorate have been so thoroughly brainwashed that to suggest that their problems are caused by anything other than baddies running the show risks scaring them. Pretend that inherent decency will cure the ills of a society broken by 40 years of insane economics.

3) Throw strikers under the bus. Nothing will persuade those without union protection that their rights are being decimated, so give a nod and wink to the idea that public service workers are scroungers.

The overarching theme of this, according to the performative left, is that once in power Labour will pivot to the left and deliver a better society. The problem here, as ever, is of politicians who have mortgaged our future on an election result.

Seduced by flags

What Sir Keir will find out, when in power, is that voters stupid enough to be seduced by flags will expect some racism in return for their votes.

He will also discover that allowing international capital to supervise the managed decline of the UK will not result in power brokers giving us a break on the basis of his loyalty.

Starmer won the leadership of his party with ‘pledges’ that suggested he would pursue an agenda that would challenge the status quo. All of these have been abandoned and, this week, he told everyone who didn’t like it to leave the party.

Like you, I’m confused by what motivates the sort of floating voter who switches from lifetime Labour-voting to Boris Johnson but I’m absolutely certain that pandering to such a creature is in nobody’s interest.

The King of the Remainers is now, we’re led to believe, an adherent of Brexit. The man named after Keir Hardy represents the workers and the bosses, even when the bosses are government itself.

If this is where we are supposed to invest our hopes, then keep them very, very low.

You can find more of The Shrewd View and the rest of Ben’s writing on Nation.Cymru by following his links on this map


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Richard 1
Richard 1
1 year ago

Yes. So what do we do now, those of us who don’t accept that opposing Israel’s subjugation of Philistines – sorry, Palestinians – means we’re antisemites and those of us who feel that the only hope of getting sane government is an electoral pact with a programme of introducing proportional representation during the next parliament?

Riki
Riki
1 year ago
Reply to  Richard 1

Haven’t you heard, some people are entitled to exist, others are not. Being Cymro British, you’d think we’d have a firm understand of this.

Mawkernewek
1 year ago
Reply to  Richard 1

Whichever parliament we are in, it is always the *next* parliament.

CWL
CWL
1 year ago
Reply to  Richard 1

Wanting a better deal for the Palestinian people isn’t antisemitic. But antisemites use the conflict to further their agenda. The way to tell the difference is how interested pro-Palestine campaigners are in real solutions that work for both peoples. Antisemites don’t want the conflict solved because they will lose their best stick to beat Jewish people.

THOMAS William Glyn
THOMAS William Glyn
1 year ago

Not true. I do not support Labour or Conservative. Not a lot to choose between them

MandiA
MandiA
1 year ago

Keir Hardie, Thomas Hardy – education, education, education

Welsh_Siôn
Welsh_Siôn
1 year ago
Reply to  MandiA

Oliver Hardy – comedy, comedy, comedy

Mab Meirion
Mab Meirion
1 year ago
Reply to  Welsh_Siôn

Jeremy Hardy RIP…sorely missed…

Iago Prydderch
Iago Prydderch
1 year ago

In Wales, there is no diversity of opinion allowed these days: you are either left-wing or a right-wing fascist/extremist. As if extremists don’t exist on the left! To express an alternative opinion to the left-wing ‘nationalist’ viewpoint is to be banned or cancelled in Wales – even if you are a Welsh nationalist. I’m expecting to be flagged up yet again for expressing a different opinion while others can continue to use foul and vitriolic language only because they are on the right side of the political divide. Theo Davies-Lewis said in an article from September 2022 that “Wales’ media… Read more »

Llyn
Llyn
1 year ago

There are those on the left in Wales who pretend Keir Starmer’s Labour Party is no different to the Conservative and Unionist Party. Though the fact is come the morning after the next UK general election, if Labour have a majority there will be a wave of relief and happiness which will come across those very same people.

Dr Keith Darlington
Dr Keith Darlington
1 year ago
Reply to  Llyn

I think this is nonsense. Voters want solutions. Starmer has nothing to say apart from issuing dictates to MPs. They can’t be critical of the monarchy since the Queen died, they can’t be on picket lines, they can’t even talk about the mess that Brexit is causing. Worse he is bereft of ideas and shuts down any ideas in his party. No wonder there is no fresh thinking. The only reason why he’s ahead in polls is that the Tories are loathed with voters. Starmer is offering more of the same apart from some minor tweaks so, even if elected… Read more »

Glwyo
Glwyo
1 year ago
Reply to  Llyn

Oh boy yes I’ll be so relieved that Tory Party 2 won instead of Tory Party 1

Dr Keith Darlington
Dr Keith Darlington
1 year ago

.Voters want solutions and something different to what they are getting at present but Starmer has nothing whatsoever to offer. He has nothing to say apart from issuing dictates to MPs. They can’t be critical of the monarchy since the Queen died, they can’t be on picket lines, they can’t even talk about the mess that Brexit is causing. Worse he is bereft of ideas and shuts down any ideas in his party. No wonder there is no fresh thinking. The reason why he is ahead in polls has more to do With the Tories being loathed with voters. Starmer… Read more »

Kerry Davies
Kerry Davies
1 year ago

Because the English are by and large right wing Labour cannot actually win a UK general election. Tories lose them when between 3M and 8M Tory voters are bored with politics and stay home.
Starmer’s strategy of boring the English into a coma appears to be working if you believe opinion polls.

Ernie The Smallholder
Ernie The Smallholder
1 year ago
Reply to  Kerry Davies

The only political movements in England with any ideas, principles and conviction is the Liberal democrats (and perhaps the Green party). The Liberal democrats have stated the obvious ‘Leaving the EU is a total disaster’. They have put principles before short term gains and opinion polls. That is why they have won 4 Westminster by-elections in a row ! Here in Wales, Plaid Cymru need to promote our own Welsh liberal values to build our movement across the whole of Wales. Both parties should and must stand for egalitarian economics, freedom, human rights, and that no-one being enslaved by poverty,… Read more »

Benjiman Angwin
Benjiman Angwin
1 year ago

The anti-semites really do hate Sir Keir Starmer.

Claudia Barron
Claudia Barron
1 year ago

I really don’t like the style in which this piece was written. The mock German accent, then Northern accent, stereo typing all the way through, was lazy, offensive and offered nothing. The society in which we live is much more sophisticated than this and what is sadly missing in too much debate/comment and is reflected in our politics is a complete lack of respect. Thank goodness the quality of writing is generally better at nation.cymru otherwise I would be unsubscribing

hdavies15
hdavies15
1 year ago
Reply to  Claudia Barron

That kind of K-rap is only tolerated when some wise guy who purports to be “on the left” waves his pseudo socialist credentials every time he says anything. We live in an era where the genuine quest for improvements in the social and economic standards has been hijacked by ishoo-mongers of the worst kind. The indifference that inhabits the hard Tory demographic in Britain also inhabits the slightly right of centre/left of centre demographic here in Wales otherwise we’d have seen a more evident backlash against all this junk we are having rammed down our collective throats by people who… Read more »

Malcolm Jones
Malcolm Jones
1 year ago

A SIR in charge of the labour party Michael FOOT must be turning over in his GRAVE say no more

Robert
Robert
1 year ago

As far as I can tell about Starmer’s Labour, it’s pro Brexit, pro the union, pro monarchy and pro FPTP.
This is not the ‘change’ I am looking for…

Peter Cuthbert
Peter Cuthbert
1 year ago
Reply to  Robert

May I offer a possible correction? I think that you might find that “Starmer is pro Brexit, pro the union, pro monarchy and pro FPTP.” The Labour Party membership are for the most part (as far as I can find out) quite the opposite. Interesting article in the Guardian recently arguing that Starmer should ignore Party Members views and look at what the population at large want since they are the ones that will be electing him. There is certainly some logic to that but it sounds like the Tony Blair Focus Group approach. Rather than proposing a bold manifesto… Read more »

CWL
CWL
1 year ago

Under First Past The Post the choice is between some form of Tory government or a centre-left Labour government. That’s it. Anyone trying to pull Labour further to the left is working for the Tories. This will never change until the voting system changes.

Rob
Rob
1 year ago
Reply to  CWL

I agree, first past the post is way past its sell by date. It forces us to choose between the lesser of 2 evils

David C
David C
1 year ago

Yup, this sums up the situation perfectly for me. Keith is from the same mould of WEF clones as all the other politicians we will be permitted to elect. The man is a sham and his Labour could never be described as of the left. As a Jewish man I would be classed as an antisemite for criticising the Zionists and the atrocities they commit upon Palestinian folk. There would be no place for me, a lifelong and committed socialist but they would still expect me to vote for them because they are “not the Tories” – the system is… Read more »

Glwyo
Glwyo
1 year ago

I’m interested to know what racism the tory party offers to the regressives, considering we are at 13(?) years without that reduction in immigration and they have instead delivered colourful chancellors, home secretaries, etc and a prime minister. They even sacrificed the economy to ensure none can single out Diane Abbott for incompetence. If a racist voter supports the conservatives then they are either stupid or blind.

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