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Opinion

The fragile fantasist of the Vale

07 Apr 2024 4 minute read
Andrew RT Davies

Ben Wildsmith

The upcoming slaughter of the Tory Party will be biblical in scope and doubtless provide many hugely entertaining moments as some of the world’s most entitled incompetents are handed their backsides by a public that can simply take no more.

The scale of their desperation was illustrated by today’s ‘revelations’ about Angela Rayner. Apparently, Labour’s deputy leader *might* owe … wait for it… £1500 in tax from the sale of a council house 20 years ago.

Really? That’s the level of gotcha the ‘natural party of government’ is now relying on to save its skin? Duw, Duw, it’s almost pitiable.

On a personal level, the annihilation of these clowns is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it’ll be nice to escape from the relentless bigotry, corruption, and cruelty that they’ve made their trademarks.

Conversely, though, I am paid to take the piss out of people, and it’s been a simple pleasure to do so with the cavalcade of antisocial chancers that have been advanced over the last few years.

The Lakota Sioux speak of a time, before the coming of white colonialists, when pieces of gold the size of a baby’s head lay around the Black Mountains undisturbed.

For a satirist, coming across Jacob Rees-Mogg or Jonathan Gullis is an 1849 Gold Rush moment. They’ve been halcyon days.

M4 relief road

Most distressingly of all, though, Torygeddon is almost certain to send Andrew ‘Real Ting’ Davies back to his former life as a bucolic Alf Garnett, lecturing cattle about the M4 relief road.

What am I going to do then? The fragile fantasist of the Vale failed this week to censure Nation.Cymru as, once again, the authorities were obliged to explain that his hurty feelings weren’t just cause for censoring a free press.

As with all things Tory nowadays, there’s a richly comic aspect to Mr. Anti-Woke being told to suck it up like a big boy, but also an unsavoury and worrying undertone.

Scrolling relentlessly through Twitter/X today as I do every day in place of a fulfilling life, I came across a thread about adjustments to the state pension.

As we know, the pension in the UK is far below that in comparable European nations and, as such, tends to provoke a fair bit of fury amongst those trying to live on it.

‘Illegal immigrants’

Amongst the comments there were several from Welsh pensioners who were convinced that ‘illegal immigrants’ were all entitled to £400 per week in Wales.

Well, we know where they’ve got this from, don’t we? For months now Davies has been claiming, without context, that asylum seekers are entitled to that sum from the Welsh Government.

The reality is that a soon-to-expire pilot scheme that tested the viability of a universal basic income offered that amount to youngsters leaving care. It didn’t explicitly exclude care-leavers who were seeking asylum.

As it happens, I vehemently disagree with this scheme. Care-leavers face unique challenges in life, so they are wholly unsuitable as a control group for a pilot scheme of this nature.

The results are, I believe, unlikely to shed much light on the wider viability of UBI. So, there you have a reasoned objection to the policy that Davies and the Conservatives could have used with very little difficulty.

Distorted

Instead, however, they have chosen to push a version of the truth that is so distorted as to resemble a lie.

That version has embedded itself in the consciousness of enough people that it goes unchallenged when brought up as a howl of pain about the paltry and insulting pension arrangements under which our retirees struggle.

The difficulties faced by asylum seekers themselves are, of course, of no interest whatsoever to Davies and his ilk. They are merely fodder for a narrative.

The ignoble death throes of Tory Britain will doubtless see new depths plumbed on a weekly basis. Like many of you, I scarcely know when to laugh and when to vomit.

Flags & Bones by Ben Wildsmith is available to order from Cambria Books


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Dai Ponty
Dai Ponty
1 month ago

As an old man and a former miner i look forward to the total destruction of the vile filth called Tory Aneurin Bevan called them Scum not a truer word said

Fi yn unig
Fi yn unig
1 month ago
Reply to  Dai Ponty

I’m still miffed that Angela Rayner was forced to apologise for calling the Tories ‘Scum’. I think Aneurin Bevans’ word of choice was ‘Vermin’. Perfect.

Richard Davies
Richard Davies
1 month ago
Reply to  Fi yn unig

You are close but incorrect as he described the tories as lower than vermin.

The full quote is “No amount of cajolery can eradicate from my heart a deep burning hatred for the Tory Party … So far as I am concerned they are lower than vermin.”

Fi yn unig
Fi yn unig
1 month ago
Reply to  Richard Davies

Ah yes quite right and an important distinction as they should not rank as highly as vermin.

Steve Woods
Steve Woods
1 month ago
Reply to  Richard Davies

In response, members of the Tory Party founded the Vermin Club.

Fi yn unig
Fi yn unig
1 month ago
Reply to  Steve Woods

Not to be confused with ‘The Rat Pack’. Frank, Sammy and Dean gave us some great songs.

adrian savill
adrian savill
1 month ago

You can’t make it up..

Jeff
Jeff
1 month ago

If Labour win the UK GE then there will be no need for ARTD anymore. He can hang up his size 42 shoes and red nose with pride of a job not done and keep the muck spreading to the fields.

Zahawi made a mistake with his heating bills for the nags and got a ministership. £5k+

David
David
1 month ago

ARTD can still get into the Senedd at the next election because of Labour & Plaid Cymru backed the closed list.

Dr John Ball
Dr John Ball
1 month ago
Reply to  David

A bit of political knockabout is always fun and Ben Wildsmith is a master.
Amid all the merriment however, David has raised an important issue.
The closed list system that does not specify candidates means that the Tories – or any other political organisation – could put up a whole raft of idiots and get them elected.

CapM
CapM
1 month ago
Reply to  Dr John Ball

Aren’t the names on the closed lists that are put forward by parties public knowledge prior to the election.
A party might get a whole raft of its idiots elected for a multi-seat constituency but that would require a ship full of idiots voting for that party.

Admittedly the D’Hondt method means that the election of idiots of major parties is more assured than the election of idiots of minor parties.

Erisian
Erisian
1 month ago
Reply to  Dr John Ball

Did you mean Another raft of idiots?

Ernie The Smallholder
Ernie The Smallholder
1 month ago
Reply to  David

Plaid Cymru does not support the closed list system.

But the majority Labour Group gave Plaid Cymru (and the Liberal democrats) no option if we were to proceed with the other Senedd reforms.

Rest assure Plaid Cymru and the Liberal democrats WILL continue to attempt to change the election system to Single Transferable Vote (PR-STV) at every opportunity.

Dewi Evans
Dewi Evans
1 month ago

Delightful article from Ben. But he should refer to Tory ENGLAND. It’s the only part of UKania where they are in a majority. Andrew RT and his followers in Wales are just hangers on, having yet to discover that their Afallon no longer rules the waves. Or very little land either. Bless! Trueni.

cablestreet
cablestreet
1 month ago

Articles like this make me want to laugh until I vomit ! Keep it up.

Dafydd
Dafydd
1 month ago

Diolch Ben!

Alun
Alun
1 month ago

As awful as Welsh labour are, they’ve never faced any opposition whatsoever in Wales. There is no viable alternative and ARTD is partly responsible for that.

Richard E
Richard E
1 month ago

Reports of the death of the Conservative Welsh sections passing i would guess are some what premature and exagerated. Despite the obvious mocking of the Tory message and its loyal devotees we do have to remember that they do represent many thousands of our neigbours, fellow workers, mates at the gym, at the oap club or school gate……or horror of horrors – families 🥹. Most sadly outside the politically interested they have never heard of ARTD or David Davies or their antics, u turns or indeed the flip flopping the Tories so enjoy. This changing of the guard will allow… Read more »

Gareth
Gareth
1 month ago
Reply to  Richard E

I hope your last paragraph materialises, as we need a strong opposition, and a Tory party aligned to the needs of Cymru, with real workable policies for Cymru, divorced from the lunatic right in Westminster that one day may lead to a coalition that can deliver for Cymru. At present they are not worthy of a single seat at the Senedd.

Chris
Chris
1 month ago
Reply to  Gareth

Here’s hoping. The lack of a credible opposition in Wales is leading to all kinds of lunacy from Welsh Labour who know they can do what they want and people will still vote for them.

christopher williams
christopher williams
1 month ago

tories like Japanese knotweed are deep-rooted
, persistent and difficult to eradicate

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