Theatre Review: Cruel Intentions: The 90s Musical, Wales Millennium Centre

Rhys John Edwards

You know what you’re going to get from ‘Cruel Intentions: The 90s Musical’ from the title alone.

Aside from the obvious (it being a musical remake of the classic teen drama, accompanied by pop music from its era), there’s a sense that this is going to be nothing more than a hastily assembled cash grab – a product of a studio digging through its archive of IP, hoping to squeeze a bit more profit from a title which is still vaguely recognisable.

And yet – despite the production’s many flaws and contradictions – this baffling mashup of self-aware nostalgia and misplaced sincerity somehow adds up to a fairly entertaining night out.

It’s a guilty pleasure for sure, but one that will stretch that guilt to outright shame.

Based on the 1999 movie, the musical follows Sebastian Valmont and Kathryn Merteuil, twisted step-siblings at an elite Prep School.

Kathryn is out for revenge after being dumped, enlisting Sebastian to seduce the girl her boyfriend has left her for: Cecile Caldwell.

But Sebastian ups the ante, suggesting he seduces the new headmaster’s daughter: Annette Hargrove.

What unfolds is expectedly unhinged and, occasionally, a tad offensive – arguably, capturing 90s pop culture pretty well.

On the money

Will Callan’s performance as Sebastian Valmont is right on the money. He brings suitable charm and slime to the role – managing to be manipulatively seductive without coming across as completely repulsive.

Nic Myers as Kathryn is venomous, channeling the original performance given by Buffy (or, as IMDb reliably informs me, ‘Sarah Michelle-Gellar’). She commands the stage, and during “Kathryn’s Turn Melody” even manages to evoke sympathy in spite of her villainous ways.

Abbie Budden gives Annette Hargrove the right mix of sweetness and strength, with impressive vocals. Meanwhile, Lucy Carter’s Cecile understands the assignment better than anyone else on stage, utilising her comic energy to twist moments that could veer toward pure cringe (I’m looking at you, ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’) into knowing winks to the audience.

The way she weaves these traits into her vocals adds a playfulness in keeping with the intended spirit of the show.

The set isn’t particularly noteworthy, but it does the job – a flexible school-themed backdrop that allows for swift transitions.

The decision to place the band visibly on stage – in the school balconies – is a welcome touch, adding to a live, electric atmosphere.

Toxic privilege

But the direction is wildly inconsistent.

One moment we’re actively encouraged to laugh at how a character answers a phone call with the Backstreet Boys – “You are my fire, my one desire,” –  the next we’re expected to sit respectfully as Sebastian emotionally staggers to the corner of the stage and yells “That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight…” with a straight face.

It’s a tonal tightrope that the show wobbles across. Not to mention the dated dialogue, homophobic slurs and moments of misogyny – but then, my initial balking at this did make me question whether sensitive times have created sensitive minds.

It should be remembered that these are, after all, bad people doing bad things. No one’s suggesting we root for them.

If you squint, there is a subtext about the destructive nature of manipulation and toxic privilege: a suggestion that for those who have everything handed to them, there’s little left to strive for other than perverse thrills.

But in the end, ‘Cruel Intentions: The 90s Musical’ doesn’t quite work.

It’s a maddening, inconsistent, frequently cringe-inducing piece of musical theatre, and yet, every now and again, disarmingly fun.

You’ll laugh, you’ll certainly wince, but once you get settled in, chances are, you’ll end up having a pretty good time too.