Father angered by wife’s ‘extreme’ Welsh nationalism using ‘native language’ with daughter

A Reddit post from a father who is tired of ‘extreme nationalism’ and his daughter speaking Welsh with her mum’s side of the family has gone viral online.

The post, which was written in lockdown, has begun trending online after it was picked up by another website called aubtu.biz in July and Reddit Story Monitor on Facebook and has since found its way to Welsh language chat forums after being overlooked by many in Wales in its first incarnation.

Titled, AITA (Am I the Asshole?) for not letting my child speak her “native” language at home‘, the commenter wrote: “My (35m) wife (32f) is Welsh and I am English, but if you get right down to it we’re both British anyway. She’s always been kinda funny about identifying as Welsh and not British no matter how many times I tell her they’re not mutually exclusive lol.

“I’m really tired of having to put up with her extreme nationalism. First of all she insisted that our daughter have a Welsh name, so now my family can’t even pronounce it or spell it. I have to put up with jokes about my daughter’s name all the time and her name getting spelled wrong all the time.

“The only primary school in the area is a Welsh school, so my daughter has started learning all her school work through Welsh. This is fine I guess; it’s pointless, but other than not being able to help her with her homework (which her mum does anyway) it’s not an issue.

“The issue is that my daughter has started speaking Welsh with her mother’s family, her mother and her friends outside of school. I asked her to stop, but my wife said I was being really rude to ask her to stop speaking in her “native” language, but she can speak English too?? It’s not her native language when her father doesn’t speak it.”

“Dead language”

He continued: “My wife said I’m an asshole because I agreed to raise our child bilingually, but I was under the impression that our daughter would still chose to speak English because it’s all around us. She speaks English and Welsh at home, sometimes mixing them both. It’s confusing and can’t be good for her education to be learning it in a pointless language. What happens when she goes to university in English?”

“My wife says I should get lessons for Welsh and she would be happy to pay and help, but I really don’t see the point in learning a dead language when we can all just speak English?

“AITA for wanting my child to speak English??”

“Patronising”

Cermaitlaphroag replied: “She’s Welsh, lives in Wales, speaks Welsh at school, and…. you’re freaking out because she speaks Welsh? As well as English?

“Hey, notice that? It’s ENGLISH, not British. Stop being an asshole, learn a few words of Welsh, and be happy that your daughter will have a cool other language to connect with her ancestry. Practically every other European country teaches English as well as their native language.”

Abicoops added: “I live in a small Welsh village in South West Wales and I’m originally from Surrey. I can’t speak Welsh at all, my children attend schools that are exclusively Welsh speaking. Children that are born in Wales should speak Welsh and English. It’s their heritage and should be proud of it. Calling it pointless and a dead language is horrible.

“Also most Welsh people like to identify as Welsh and not British and I don’t blame that for them at all. You sound extremely patronising and I would want to keep myself separate from that British attitude just like your wife does.

“Cymru am byth… Wales forever as my children and partner like to say, your daughter and wife are proud to be Welsh and you should be proud of them.”

With over 2,000 comments, the post continues to garner interest from across the world, with Annoyedpotatolady replying: “YTA (You’re the asshole) you know that you’re being racist, right? Or what’s a better way to express this.. You have a very coloniser English mentality.

“Welsh is her native language too. Your wife is not extremely nationalist, just nationalist, proud of her heritage. Which you are trying to erase on multible levels. You don’t want her to speak her language. Or call herself Welsh, just British.

“That’s erasure.”

Seeing the light

The original poster returned to post over numerous occasions with edits, but in his final comment seems to have taken others’ opinions on board, writing: “Edit: I’m having a lot of trouble sleeping ill be honest. Might have something to do with me being 100% an asshole to my wife and daughter. A lot of mixed feelings. How do I explain that I still feel like I’m right but I know now that I’m wrong? We live in the countryside and it’s been hard with lockdown. I couldn’t work, and I was surrounded by all the Welsh in my home without any English outlet of my own.

“I was wrong and very bitter, and used those bitter feelings against my own family.

“I’m going to tell my wife that I’ll get Welsh lessons and I plan on couples counselling for us so that I can properly work through my shit. I’d like to say thank you to everyone who helped me grow up and see that my daughter was more important than my childish, selfish reasons. I was so fucked up; unwilling to learn because I was already behind. And I’d like to thank those who shared their stories of learning Welsh.”

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