‘I used to have a lot of shame growing up in foster care. Now I wear it like a medal’

Mark Mansfield

Standing outside a stranger’s front door at the age of eight is a moment Sophia Warner has never forgotten.

It was the day she moved into what would become her permanent foster home, ending years of instability but beginning a painful separation from the siblings she describes as “my world” and “my anchor”.

More than 20 years later, the Cardiff-based illustrator and children’s residential worker is sharing her story to mark the fifth anniversary of Foster Wales and to challenge perceptions of what it means to grow up in care.

“I used to have a lot of shame growing up in foster care,” she says. “Now I wear it like a medal.”

Standing outside that front door

Sophia was just two years old when she first entered foster care, but it was the move at the age of eight that changed the course of her life.

“When you’re taken into foster care, it can be really scary,” she says.

“Your anxiety can be a lot because you don’t know where you’re going to go and you don’t know where you’re going to be.

“I still remember standing outside a stranger’s front door. My heart was thumping. I could hear it in my head.”

While the uncertainty was frightening, Sophia says a part of her also knew she was finally heading towards the stability she had longed for.

‘I needed to be a child’

Sophia’s birth father died when she was five. Although she has few memories of him, she says he was violent and struggled with alcoholism.

After his death, she and her siblings were cared for by their mother, who was battling severe mental ill health.

“Growing up, I saw many things that a child should never see,” Sophia says.

“I knew deep down this would save me and change the direction of my life. I felt I just needed to be a child for once and not a carer for my birth mother.

“I couldn’t take care of my mother, no matter how much I loved her. I needed a good upbringing, warm clothes and a safe home.”

Losing the people who mattered most

If entering foster care gave Sophia safety, it also took away the people she felt closest to.

She and her three siblings were placed with different foster families, leaving Sophia around two hours away from the brothers and sisters she says had been her constant throughout childhood.

“They were my roots. They were my world. They were my anchor,” she says.

“Having them separated from me, I felt like I lost who I was.”

Weekly contact sessions were arranged, but the long journeys left Sophia suffering from travel sickness.

“I’d spend that precious hour trying to recover.”

As the years passed, the visits became less frequent until eventually the siblings lost touch.

Looking back, Sophia says keeping children closer to their families and communities would have made a huge difference to her own childhood.

‘It would have made a world of difference’

That is one of the goals Foster Wales has been working towards since it was established in 2021 as the national network of local authority fostering services.

The organisation says that over the past five years, 84% of children placed with local authority foster carers have remained in their local communities, compared with 32% placed through independent fostering agencies.

“As a care-experienced individual, I’m so proud to see that Foster Wales are helping children stay local,” Sophia says.

“For me, if I had that, it would have made a world of difference.”

She also believes another recent initiative would have eased some of the fear she felt as a child.

The Big Welcome online portal allows foster carers to introduce themselves before a child arrives, sharing photographs of family members, pets and their home.

“Something like the Big Welcome portal would have really mattered to me growing up,” Sophia says.

“To see a face before you arrive, to hear a voice, to know one or two ordinary things about the people and the home.

“It doesn’t take the fear away completely, but it gives you a clearer picture. Something to hold on to.”

‘Now I wear it like a medal’

Sophia says foster care changed the direction of her life.

Supported by her foster families, she completed both an undergraduate degree and a master’s degree in art. She now works as a children’s residential worker while also building a career as a self-employed illustrator.

She remains close to her foster family and foster siblings and still holidays with them from time to time.

She believes many people still have misconceptions about children who grow up in care.

“I think a lot of people have a stereotype with children growing up in care. They always think it’s doom and gloom,” she says.

“But it wasn’t all dark. I really did have a good experience growing up in foster care.

“I got two amazing foster families that really shaped my world and made me believe in myself.”

Looking back, she says the shame she once felt has been replaced by pride.

“I used to have a lot of shame growing up in foster care, but now I wear it like a medal.

“If I can go through that, I can go through anything.

“It has most definitely given me the confidence to thrive in the world.”

Five years of Foster Wales

Since its launch in 2021, Foster Wales says it has:

Recruited 704 new foster carers, providing homes for more than 1,000 children.
Helped 5,954 children through local authority foster care.
Enabled 84% of children to remain in their local communities.
Introduced the Big Welcome online portal, now used by 762 foster carers.
Supported 85 young people to remain with their foster families after turning 18 through schemes including When I’m Ready, special guardianship orders or adoption.

For more information about becoming a foster carer, visit the Foster Wales website.

---

Get more trusted Welsh news

Choose Nation.Cymru as a preferred source in Google News to see more of our journalism.