Newport woman still fostering after more than half a century of care

Nation.Cymru Team

As Foster Care Fortnight begins, a 79-year-old Grandmother has shared her invaluable experience of almost six decades of local authority foster care.

Sylvia Heaven started her foster care journey in 1972. Don Mclean’s American Pie was in the charts, the miners were on strike and disco culture was growing.

She had no idea that 54 birthdays, two monarchs, 13 prime ministers and five decades later, she would still be fostering.

Now, at almost 80-years-old, Sylvia is still providing a safe and loving home for young children to thrive in.

Sylvia’s foster care journey began when she saw an advert in her local paper to foster with her local authority Newport. She had recently become a single mother to two young sons.

“I thought I could do that, my kids have a really good life, and I could maybe give another child a good life,” Sylvia said.

More than 50 years later, Sylvia has cared for over 80 children. She has experienced everything from caring for young children before adoption or return to families, to watching them grow up and turn into young adults.

Sylvia also took up childminding alongside foster care – a natural with children, she could never imagine her life without having a little one around.

She explained as a young single mother it was important to her that she could support her family independently.

Sylvia went onto have two more daughters, one who she had fostered from a newborn, who then became a permanent addition in their family through adoption at 18 months old.

Multi-generational 

Sylvia’s support network is multi-generational, her own children range from 57 to 23, with grandchildren in the mix. She joked that she bonds with her granddaughter, who has a child close in age to the child currently in her care, over baby bottles and feeding.

She said: “I always say the next one will be the last one, and then I get asked again, and it is all I know, I just can’t say no.”

Fostering is such a massive part of Sylvia’s life, and with no upper age limit on who can be a local authority foster carer, she doesn’t see an end in sight anytime soon.

She is currently caring for a one-year-old, and insists that keeping busy keeps her young, even in nap times she refuses to sit down and is often found pottering outside in the garden.

She said: “A lot of my children have found me on Facebook. One girl, she came to me this Mother’s Day, and she told me ‘You gave me the best life. I wouldn’t be who I am today.’

“I sat here and cried, I said you’re not supposed to make me cry on Mother’s Day!”

Trauma 

Sylvia explained that it hasn’t come without its challenges, and she has cared for children with a variety of trauma-related behaviours.

She explained: “I’ve had children who have refused breakfast because they are scared they won’t get another meal. And then I explain you’re going to have breakfast, then dinner, then tea, and we’ll have treats in between, and you will always have that.”

Children who have experienced trauma often develop ways of protecting themselves. This might include behaviour such as anxiety, emotional shutdown, intense reactions or difficulty following rules.

A national survey commissioned by Foster Wales found around 80% of carers surveyed have supported children who displayed behaviour like this.

While these challenges can be tough, half of foster carers surveyed also said they noticed a meaningful breakthrough within the first six months.

Foster carers shared that these breakthrough moments were often centred around small moments of connection.

Sylvia explained: “You don’t expect this child to come in and be picture perfect and you’ve just got to work through it. They might have problems, and you have to work through them.

“If the child is old enough to understand I like to explain simply why they are staying with me and talk about what they like to do what food they enjoy, show them where they will sleep, and if they feel sad they can come and talk to me. It’s lovely when they come
and talk to you or ask for a cuddle you know you are gaining their trust.”

After experience, support and professional guidance, almost all carers surveyed (93%) said they are now confident responding to trauma-related behaviour.

Sylvia said her confidence has grown over the years with all the different children that she has cared for, and the different problems they have.

She added: “Each child is different, so you find a way to break down the barrier and make them feel safe and loved.”

Dedication

Sylvia’s life has been dedicated to local authority foster care, and she hopes that by sharing her story, other potential foster carers will come forward.

The findings are released ahead of Foster Care Fortnight, the UK’s largest annual campaign to raise awareness of fostering, which takes place every May. This year’s theme, This is Fostering, shines a spotlight on the real experiences of foster carers and
the vital role they play in helping children feel safe.

Alastair Cope, head of Foster Wales, said: “Sylvia’s story and dedication to local authority foster care over the last 54 years is truly amazing. We are proud to share Sylvia’s story this Foster Care Fortnight, and show the lasting impact she has had on the
children that she has cared for over the years.

“Sylvia’s story shows there is no best age to start fostering, it is about when you are ready. You could be in your 20s, as Sylvia was when she started, or your 80s, you just need to be in a position to offer space, stability, safety, time and love. As an older foster
carer, the life experience and different skills you can offer are invaluable.”

To find out more about becoming a foster carer in Wales, visit fosterwales.gov.wales.