Gisèle Pelicot asks ‘Why?’
Shân Morgain
The appalling case of Gisèle Pelicot happened in France, not Wales. But we cannot, must not stand back and say ‘It did not happen here’.
For the nature of the Pelicot case shows its horrors are entirely normal, ordinary. They happen everywhere. The only difference for Pelicot is its large quantities.
Drugged, raped, abused
Gisèle Pelicot was heavily drugged and raped. Normal.
Gisèle Pelicot never consented to any of the rapes. Normal.
Her husband recruited other men to rape and abuse her. Not quite so normal but not that unusual either.
None of the rapists tried to help her. Mostly normal. Think trafficked women used as prostitutes: their clients do nothing to help.
Her husband abused and insulted her helpless body with scrawled words on it. Not that unusual. Just banter.
The rapes continued over a decade. Very normal; think domestic violence.
The many rapists are very varied, all ages from teens to pensioners, many different occupations manual, professional. Very normal.
The rapists claim her husband gave consent for her. Wife is his thing. Or they did not realise anything was wrong thinking it was a couple game. Comatose, snoring, voiceless thing. Games and banter mask a lot of rape, abuse.
The network of rape included Gisèle Pelicot’s family and neighbours. Normal.
Cymru
I should have liked to give numbers on rape and abuse in the Cymru but cannot. Information about our society is buried in ‘England and Wales’ reports. Digging about I did find a couple of Welsh police regions but their info was not helpful.
This is yet another of the million details why our independence is so necessary and important.
Her questions
So this incredibly brave woman chose to open her case to the public – so we could learn from it.
Cymru listen! Cymru learn!
Gisèle Pelicot announces ‘The shame is theirs, not ours.’
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Gisèle Pelicot asks ‘Why? How could you do this to me?’
Ah, that is not unanswerable. Men who rape/ abuse do it – because they can.
Why they rape
Pitifully few cases reach the courts. Pitifully few of those get a conviction.
Along the way the raped/ abused woman is interrogated as a criminal. Why did she wear sexy clothes? Why did she not fight, or fight harder? She is the guilty one not him.
So then very few women even try to report their suffering. Rapist win win. Rape culture.
Yet rapists do not rape just because they get away with it legally. They rape because they feel entitled to take and use women’s bodies (and boys’). No means a flirty yes. Or No means nothing. Or silence is enough, so they say.
Not long ago I wrote on here with much sympathy for the lonely, deprived lives of almost all men. Pushed ruthlessly to achieve, succeed, be tough, not ask for help, not to cry or hug. Men live isolated and shorter, unhealthier lives.
Boys are brought up to feel they can crash about causing problems, and adults laugh and forgive. ‘Boys will be boys, after all.’ Indeed so, and then there is porn and prostitution which offers women to humiliate and use. Rape culture.
They often have little idea they wreck someone’s life. It’s only a bit of sex isn’t it? She probably liked it really. But it’s not sex. It’s pure power, power to control. It smashes the lesson into the other body ‘You’re nothing but a thing to be used.’ Wreckage.
Gisèle Pelicot asks ‘Why?’ and we do have answers. Rapists are not monsters. They are ordinary, our brothers, sons, fathers, lovers and friends. They are mostly not strangers but men we know, in our homes. They are those lonely little boys who were never taught to behave.
It’s time
It is time they were. Boys and men urgently need help and guidance, strong, firm help and guidance – for all our sakes. For the women and also men they damage, and those they haven’t (yet) who must live in fear of when it might happen to them.
Is it impossible? Could we run local groups that teach and guide men to be better men? We have speed awareness groups to train drivers to be better drivers. Not very different to train men to drive themselves better.
If mothers, sisters, friends and lovers insisted they attend, they would. It could become a badge of honour. Men of honour could be Guardians to teach and guide others.
Cymru has pioneered so much that is good in society. Our laws were originally far superior to English and French laws. Cymru can do it better. Now.
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Very brave woman. Shame misogyny and crimes against women aren’t given the same status, attention and outlawing as racism in the UK. After all 50% ish of the population are women
I completely agree, enough now, things have to change and men need to listen, to value women and cherish them, to learn to if needs be
In the uk the punishment for rape or sexual assault is nowhere near harsh enough!
You would receive a longer sentence if you caused a nuisance during a protest!
I agree with the written article here. We, as men, should do better, then less or no need for punishments perhaps. Less need for awful trials, less need for women to feel scared. Trials are usually after the abuse/death. We need to stop it getting there.
I wonder if the trial in France has missed many men that were aware but said nothing.
Jeff yes the trial has undoubtedly missed some men. It is known that at least 20 more men were in the videos made of Madame Pelicot who have not been identified and arrested. In addition there are men the chief rapist trained how to do this drug rape on their own wives and family. But my main point was not just to ask men to behave better. I think men can’t do this, or do it enough by individual effort. We need groups and projects to help and train men. Like speed awareness groups. Consider that the majority of the… Read more »