Talking prejudice – how to recognise and challenge bias

Joe Newman

These past weeks, I have opened my social media and been bombarded by memes, posts and comments on Louis Theroux’s recent “manosphere” documentary.

The documentary has cracked open a difficult truth – that many people feel confused, defensive or overwhelmed by conversations about gender, equality and social justice.

This creates an environment where harmful ideologies fill the gaps, and where real concerns are hijacked by toxic narratives with ordinary people feeling pressure to “pick a side” rather than actually understand the issue.

Recognising bias: what it is and what it isn’t

Bias is normal, every human has bias, but it isn’t harmless.

There are implicit biases, where our brains make automatic associations without us realising; cultural biases, where we absorb “normality” from the families, communities and media we grow up around; and structural biases, where society itself is organised in ways that give some groups an easier starting point than others.

Bias is not the same as: being a bad person, holding hateful beliefs, or acting with intent to harm. It is a habit of thinking, and like all habits, it can be changed.

Examples of bias include: assuming someone’s competence based on how they speak; feeling instinctive discomfort around a group to whom you have little exposure; giving more weight to opinions from people who look or sound like you.

We must accept that no community is immune from prejudice, even those built around equality and liberation.

I am a black, gay man and my own personal experience in the LGBTQIA+ community shows that it is no exception to this truth.

Despite our commitment to inclusion, we still struggle with body image pressures (muscular ideals, fatphobia, youth-centrism), racism (racial “preferences”, underrepresentation, tokenisation, fetishisation), and sexism and misogyny (marginalising queer women, valuing masculinity over femininity).

The same is true of my experience being a gay person in the black community.

Being part of a marginalised group does not place us outside bias. It just means that our blind spots look different, and recognising this is not betrayal, it’s integrity.

How prejudice takes hold (especially in online spaces)

I have experienced prejudice, and being a psychology graduate I wanted to understand what’s behind it.

Prejudice often grows from loneliness, frustration and a need for belonging rather than from hatred. But online platforms can turn those emotions into rigid beliefs.

Algorithms show us more of what we react to, not what balances us. Over time people end up in bubbles where the same viewpoints repeat until they feel like this is the only truth.

Manosphere content filters down to people who feel ignored or insecure. Instead of offering support, it redirects those feelings into blame – usually towards women, feminism or equality movements. Vulnerability becomes fuel for resentment.

Personal pain and struggle is easily reshaped into ideology: “I feel rejected” turns into, “women don’t respect men,” and “I feel powerless” becomes “society is stacked against me”.

Online, emotion becomes identity, identity hardens into belief, and where empathy is absent, fear fills the vacuum and prejudice takes root.

Understanding without excusing: A new way to challenge harmful ideas

How do we challenge prejudice effectively?

It requires a shift from confrontation to connection. When someone expresses a harmful belief, to directly call them sexist, racist or biased usually shuts the conversation down before it begins. This will trigger defensiveness rather than reflection.

A more constructive approach is what I think of as “calling across”, which engages the person without excusing the behaviour. In my experiences, people are far more willing to reconsider when they feel heard rather than humiliated.

This does not mean agreeing with harmful ideas, but it does mean creating safe ground for change to happen. We can focus on the impact rather than a person’s identity – for instance “here’s how that belief impacts people,” rather than “here’s what’s wrong with you.”

Curiosity is also a powerful tool. You can ask questions like “where did you first hear that?” or “what concerns you most about this issue?”. This is an invitation to reflect rather than resist.

Such  questions will uncover the real emotion beneath their statements – are they being driven by fear? Insecurity? Confusion? Or just a desire to belong? Once that emotion is being seen, the heat lowers and the conversation opens.

This isn’t endorsement, it’s an understanding that makes change possible. It’s not a competition to “win” the argument, it’s a way of helping someone to widen the lens through which they see the world.

Practical tools for everyday situations

To address bias in everyday life doesn’t need expertise, it just requires awareness, intention, and a willingness to pause.

The Pause Technique is simple but powerful:

Notice – Pause – Reconsider – Reframe. By interrupting our automatic reactions, we create a space for choosing a fairer and more thoughtful response.

Pairing this with the 3 R’s – Reflect, Reframe, Respond – everyday interactions become opportunities for learning rather than conflict.

Reflection can look like asking yourself “what is influencing my reaction? Bias, discomfort or past experience?”

Reframing then challenges us to consider a different interpretation, “Is there another explanation for this person’s behaviour?”

Response then becomes intentional rather than reactive.

Another useful thing to do is a personal bias check. Just having a quiet check-in with ourselves and asking some searching questions. Who do I assume is competent? Whose voices do I trust most quickly? Who do I hold at a distance without any reason? The questions aren’t meant to make you feel guilty, they’re just about clarity. Bias thrives when we are not thinking. It weakens when we bring it into conscious awareness.

By practising these tools in small, ordinary moments, we build the mental muscles needed to show up in more challenging conversations.

What does being an effective ally look like?

You don’t have to be perfect to be an effective ally, you just need to be consistent, humble and courageous enough to keep learning.

There are those who become performative allies, they make statements, gestures or trumpet their support with social media posts, but being an effective ally in the real world takes quiet and steady practice.

It is our role to amplify the voices of those most affected, not to speak for and over them, or to position ourselves as their saviours. We should learn to accept corrections without being defensive and to recognise that we will get things wrong. This isn’t a flaw, it’s just part of the work.

Allyship means recognising the limits of our own perspective.

We can never fully understand another person’s lived experience, but we can make space for it, honour it, and act in solidarity with it. Most importantly, allyship is about responsibility, not guilt, using whatever influence we have to challenge unfairness, expand empathy, and create a more equitable environment.

Remember that allyship is a practice not a performance, one that creates trust and deepens our integrity, contributing to genuine, lasting change.

Prejudice is challenged not by the loudest voices, but by the most committed ones.

Joe Newman is a Welsh writer and charity‑sector professional specialising in racial justice and equalities work. As a member of both the BAME and LGBTQIA+ communities, his writing is rooted in lived experience and the everyday navigation of life as a double minority. He aims to celebrate people and spread joy, love, and understanding through every piece he creates.