Welsh independence in the (blue) movies – lighten up and have a Leekazade

Nick Stradling, Wales in the Movies

Since I started exploring representations of the Welsh circa 2014 I’ve sat through some truly depressing content. My dirty role as chief explorer of Welsh film has shown me more farms, more rain, more insults, more incest and more frustrating missed media opportunities than I can hold together.

I’ve sat through Evil Aliens just to catch a 2 second insult. It’s a thankless task for which I get minimal love. Today is perhaps the nadir.

A couple of weeks ago, as revealed on Nation.Cymru, an X user named Dai totally innocently unearthed a 15 year-old porn movie, presumably while doing a google search for Jeff Goldblum or Bill Pullman films, or maybe even the 1997 album Big Willy Style.

Research

It’s called Independence Day, its USP is Welsh Nationalism. It stars Roger Smore, Ben Dover and in the lead (bilingual) role, Cardiff performer Stacey Saran. It’s about an intern (Saran) who sells a renewable aphrodisiac Leekazade and petitions for Welsh independence at Westminster.

For research purposes, I ordered it online. 

For a full video review of the movie, please visit your dedicated independence-supporting YouTube channel, WALES in the MOVIES where I have sworn to fully unpack and review ALL representations of Wales and the Welsh

Occasionally, my two passions entwine in sweet union, although the last film to explicitly explore Welsh independence was 1922’s The Last King of Wales, with Charles Ashton starring as a horny Llewelyn ap Gruffudd, 56 years before I was born.

Symbolism

In terms of political thrust, there is nothing like INDEPENDENCE DAY in the history of motion pictures.

The 1922 classic, nor even the early work of such directors as Karl Francis or Jill Craigie could hope to compete, and those esteemed directors never explored Welsh self-determination nor were their protagonists written and performed with such agency. 

The film catches a zeitgeist and carries an environmental message. Fossil fuels are left behind as Cymru embraces Leekazade, grown by its Welsh star in her garden and inspiring pobl y cwm to love their way to a truly, self-financing annibyniaeth.

There was a moment in the recent movie Dolittle where Robert Downey Jnr’s Welsh cleric cures a dragon of its indigestion with a creative use of a prize-winning leek and this moment can only have been inspired by imagery in this film which I am unable to describe on these pages.

Whitehall

In all seriousness for a second, the Whitehall antagonist, played by Ben Dover, is as accurate a composite character as has existed in Welsh film. His politician controls Wales’ destiny but cannot place Cymru on a map nor even remember its name.

A couple of well-placed “Yacki dar”s at seminal moments cannot hide the disdain he feels for the UK’s junior partner. In this character, our relationship with England, Britain – or whatever we’re calling it this week – plays out in a way which makes Patrick McGoohan’s Longshanks seem subtle and restrained.

I for one however, appreciate the on-the-nose writing. 

Any intercourse on the film must engage with its mass potential. It’s one of the unavoidable contradictions of campaigning for Welsh independence that, before engaging with the positivity the movement craves, one first has to go back and shake off all the negativity

An awareness of our country’s violation must be raised before the dragon inside us all is aroused, and the seed of our dependency spread.

Climax

The meaty climax carries trigger warnings for both snowflakes and gammons alike.

Wales has rarely been treated to such portent as delegates from Ireland, Austria, Switzerland and Scotland vote bonk their way Cymru’s independence and joining the EU. Remember we are talking 2010 here.

On that note I am duty bound to let the Welsh Nash community in on a little secret.

I’m sure plenty of our friends will rush to condemn this profound movie out of a genuine sense of morality.

I appreciate the intentions and recognize the porn industry is not a victimless field.

However, there is a bigger picture here. If you want to turn people on –  to the cause, that is – stick to topics where you can have some fun. I can personally attest to the effectiveness of having fun with the indycurious.

As for Stacey Saran and her Leekazade plan, I must say – GENIUS. A message to Yes Cymru – sign her up!

The last thing the British Nationalists want is for the Welsh Independence movement to have some fun and rally round a positive vibe.

These are leeks that could be positive for Yes Cymru and Stacey Saran could thus become our Merch Darogan.

A Welsh, bilingual, pansexual female character we can all hopefully get behind.